Tag Archives: sonoma county

Motivation For Girls During The School Year

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Teen girls studying by water

What used to fuel your girl to keep going during the school year might not be existing any longer. Maybe it was seeing her friends, having others view her as smart, sporting an outfit she loves, having a positive relationship with her teacher, enjoying a class, or her extracurricular activities that were keeping her moving and motivated to do well.


We are all motivated by intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is what comes naturally from inside of us. The drive to do well and succeed. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of us. It comes in the form of praise, being recognized by others, and earning something like the first chair in band class or being a starting player on her soccer team. Oftentimes they coexist.


The problem girls face today is they aren’t getting much of the extrinsic motivation the school environment used to provide. Keeping your camera off on zoom, only seeing one another from the torso up, and no longer having any organic conversation inside or outside of the classroom is taking a toll on kids staying motivated. Girls aren’t having the extracurriculars that for some girls made school worth it.

So what can we do about this dilemma?


We can teach our girls about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and help our girls create their own forms of motivation. I would encourage you to ask her questions about what she feels she is missing and invite her to share her experience. Meet her with empathy. With that said, see if there are any organic openings to create motivation. You might have to teach her about this idea. The catch is, it’s going to look different than before. Making a mug of hot chocolate after her grueling Trigonometry class. Watching a movie with friends, even virtually, after getting her paper done. Heading to Michael’s to get some art supplies to celebrate getting a B or higher on her psychology assignment.

Now I know many parents feel disturbed at the idea of buying their kids rewards. For the record, do not promise big screen tvs, the latest iphone, or exotic trips. Teach them about earning within reason. When we first get a job, we don’t get thousands of dollars. Here in CA, you will earn just over $15 for one hour of work. Use monetary rewards reasonably. Yes I will buy you a $15 app if you have no missing assignments at the end of the week. No, I will not buy you a game system for getting an A on your test.


Above all, we want our girls to experience intrinsic motivation. We want them to have drive. But the reality is we are motivated extrinsically, and that’s ok. I hope you go to work because you love your job, but I bet you are motivated in part by your paycheck. These two motivations are not always mutually exclusive.


In closing, I wish you and your family the best in this new wave of the parenting journey!

Credits


Article inspired by Lisa Damour’s recent post on “How to Do School When Motivation Has Gone Missing” in the NY Times


Photo Credit by @bethlaird on Unsplash

Top 4 Reasons Your Daughter Needs An Emotional Tool Kit

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  1. girl holding mylar balloons of ice cream and emojisYour daughter NEEDS to develop HEALTHY tools to handle emotions.  Our foundation for how we handle things in life is being set now.  Let’s give them something solid to stand on.  HEALTHY coping skills includes journaling, exercise, talking to a supportive person, affirmations, goal setting, prayer, etc.
  2. Parents can’t do it alone.  At this age and stage of your child’s development, she is beginning to look to others to provide answers and advice.  You may even have a child who puts down everything you say.  Why not let a trained professional help her in an area where all girls could use a boost?
  3. UNHEALTHY coping skills can take over and cause life long problems.   Keep in mind, unhealthy tools can become addictive behaviors like alcohol, drugs, sex, computers, gambling, eating issues, cutting.  Let’s get these girls off on the right foot for coping.
  4. We need the opportunity to be real and see real.  Social media is crushing our girls in so many ways.  Girls are being smothered by images of how they should look, what they should buy, who they should like, and being bullied like no other time in history.  Kids have constant access to say what they want under “anonymous” posts or feeling free to say what they want behind the screen and real girls are the casualties.  In this workshop series, girls will have the opportunity to see what real girls look like, how they feel, and connect in a safe and caring environment.

Click here to learn more about the Emotional Tool Kit Workshop series.