Tag Archives: petaluma family therapy

Depression, Weight Gain, and Helpful Treatment

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Depression, weight gain, and helpful treatment go hand in hand. Because one of the symptoms of depression is changes in appetite, weight gain can happen.

However, with depression, it can be the case of the chicken or egg.  Meaning, we want to look at what came first.  Did the weight gain contribute to depression or did the depression cause weight gain?  If the weight gain is what caused someone to feel depressed, then the treatment would be to find healthy ways to lose the weight if indicated.  However, if the weight gain is as a result of a depressive episode, we are going to want to treat the depression itself. We won’t want to focus solely on the weight gain.

Symptoms of Depression Leading to Weight Gain

Unfortunately, depression makes it hard to lose weight for a variety of reasons.  One major symptom of depression is anhedonia. Anhedonia is the loss of pleasure in things we ordinarily would find joy in doing.  For many people, exercise and cooking healthy meals are activities bringing them joy.  However, when a depressive episode strikes, they may lose interest in these healthy activities.  In addition to anhedonia, loss of motivation is another symptom of depression.  It is challenging to lose weight if you aren’t motivated. 

Hopelessness is another symptom of depression. It is hard to make positive changes when feeling this way. Lastly, when people are depressed, healthy habits and ways of coping tend to go out the window and unhealthy forms take over.  Things like grabbing take out for most meals, drinking alcohol in excess, smoking marijuana leading to food cravings, binge eating, and eating high carbohydrate and sugary foods to soothe are all ways people with depression may turn to cope.

Depression, Weight Gain, and Helpful Treatment


Luckily, there are many healthy ways to manage weight while dealing with depression.  Most of these healthy ways start with awareness.  If one is aware they are snacking at 10PM, a solution might be to stop eating after dinner.  In addition, if one finds they stopped exercising, then they might engage in some movement that feels good. Taking walks out in nature or going on a hike with a friend could be helpful.  Also, if they aren’t eating anything for breakfast this behavior can cause them to binge later in the day. Eating something before 10 AM would be helpful.  Another point of awareness is if one acknowledges how much they are drinking. They might decide to cut it back to two beers instead of 4 and only on the weekends. 

Also, having an accountability partner can help.  For example, you and a friend texting each other everyday after you did some movement activity can help folks keep themselves on track.  When one starts to care for themselves in small manageable steps, these steps then build on one another eventually leading to more health, wellness, and mood improvement.

Give Yourself Some Grace


The other option when it comes to depression is to give yourself some grace.  Depression is often an episode, meaning it goes on for a period of time and doesn’t last forever.  People should be kind to themselves and let it be ok if they aren’t feeling motivated or finding joy.  It will return.  Sometimes medication can be helpful as well. Turning to medication when a depressive episode is going on too long or one cannot seem to find any motivation or will is always an option.  Talk to your doctor or psychiatrist if you are needing medication support.  

Depression, weight gain, and helpful treatment is available. Talk to your doctor or therapist around ways to get support. You can find out more information about weight gain and depression here. If you would like to talk with me about depression, please reach out to me here.

Scared Of Therapy?

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Woman not scared of therapy

Many people are scared of therapy. Let’s talk about why.

“The truest most beautiful life never promises to be an easy one. We need to let go of the lie it’s supposed to be.” ~Glennon Doyle~

Why people fear therapy


I am a therapist and human, and I like to keep things real. Glennon Doyle’s writings are nothing but. She opens up about marriage, infidelity, raising kids, alcoholism, bulimia, and finding a way to make room for her authentic self. Her life at times is a sheer mess, but she rises within it by moving towards her truth. This move takes sheer courage and bravery and can teach us all that vulnerability is the path towards living the life we desire.


Many people feel scared of therapy. Fear of judgement, shame, and what one will find on their journey of self exploration terrify people to never schedule an appointment and begin. And I totally get it. I’ve been on “the other side of the couch.” So if you aren’t ready for therapy yet, pick up Doyle’s book Untamed and start there. When you’re done reading and witnessing the transformation Doyle goes through by finding her voice and listening to that deep inner self, feel free to reach out to me.

The Reality of Life


We all have a past, make mistakes, and have the possibility to lighten our metaphorical bags by unpacking what is there. Therapy is a great place to do that. Because listen, we don’t heal in isolation. We heal in relationship to others.


Life is hard. It’s messy, confusing, terrifying, and full of lows. Simultaneously, life is easy. It’s beautiful, joyous, peaceful, and full of highs. Additionally, life is everything in between. If you can accept this fact, that life is meant to be this way, you’ll be better off. How do you do this? Well Doyle’s way is to “Be still and know.” My way is to hike. Find your own way. If you want help, let me know.

Parent Self Care Is Essential

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Family time is fuel for kids. I know it might be a lot for parents at times, but know when you are interacting with kids you are giving them what they need. Your time, attention, and ear. They are energized by your laughter and interest in them.

If you are struggling, you’ve got to dig deep for them. You also need to carve out time for yourself. I know there are real barriers to making this happen. One idea is to get up early before anyone else. This might not seem fair, but making yourself a priority and giving yourself time can really help you set a positive tone for your day. A second idea is to coordinate time with your partner or another trusted family member/friend to provide care. But you’ve got to ask. Your loved ones aren’t mind readers.

We can hold all of the tragedy in a negative light, and we can shift our mind set to one of gratitude. This time with family is priceless. It’s an opportunity we never had before this very year. For me, I no longer feel like a hamster on a wheel, and for that, I am grateful.

How do you care for yourself when on family overload?

Help For Parents Of Teens

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Watercolor paper with quote about parenting a teen and what to do when feeling challenged

As a teen parent, we can get wrapped up in our teen’s words and find ourselves angry, hurt, yelling, and vengeful. But remember, so much of what others say isn’t about us, including our own family members. Maybe your teen is feeling left out, bored, or angry at the state of the world. Nothing you have control over. I mean, what parent wouldn’t wedge us out of this pandemic to offer their teen a summer of a lifetime if they could?

So keep quiet and breathe. Not obnoxious breathing but calming breaths. Listen to your teen, holding onto the notion this isn’t about you. And if they invite you to speak, use reflective listening. Meaning reflect back what you heard them say. You could start with something like, “Let me see if I’ve heard you right?” Or end with, “ Am I hearing you correctly?” And watch that tone parents. Don’t go picking a fight.

Lastly, if there is a point needing to be made, wait until later and go back to it. “Remember when we were taking about X earlier?…..”. Timing is important.

Yes parenting is an art in need of constant refinement. We don’t need to get it perfect. We just need to try our best. Sometimes our best is absolutely beautiful, and sometimes it’s not. That’s ok. Take a breath. Try again.

To All Class of 2020 Graduates and Parents

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girl at graduation with cap and gown facing peers

A note to all graduates (8th, high school, college, and beyond) and their parents:


I can’t imagine. Working so hard, spending so many years, and then bam, nothing. I got to have an 8th grade promotion, a high school graduation, a college graduation, and opted out of my graduate school ceremony. I had all those events that tag along with it. Senior skip day, prom, dressing in a cap and gown, spring sports and banquets, senior fun night. I also had a choice about whether I participated or stayed home. I am so deeply sorry for those of you who don’t.


I still remember both my high school and college ceremonies. The event itself, the family parties, and even better, the parties with friends after. These memories are stored for life, and I want to tell you again, I am so deeply sorry if you have to miss these major life milestones.


I write this apology to you as an adult who who can recognize on a profound level just what this loss might be like for you.


I know my apology, my sorry might not mean much because there is nothing myself or the other adults in your life can do to save you from the heart ache of missing out. What I want you to hear though is that we see you, we feel you, and we know a lot about grief and loss and what it feels like.


I hate to be the bearer of this news, but grief and loss will come throughout your life. It may stay longer than you’d like. It comes in the stages of denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, and acceptance. You might think grief and loss only shows up when someone dies, but I hope you learn early that this process will come in many forms. Not because I want you to experience it, but because it will in fact come. Loss of friendships, loss of intimate relationships, change of jobs, change of schools, death of animals and people, climate change, change in leadership, and loss of graduation to name a few. There is so much that can evoke the strong winds of grief and loss.


Yours is a generation focused on being happy, and I am so thankful for the joy it brings. But I caution you not to overlook or push away the feelings of grief and loss that may be knocking at your door. Because the catch with grief and loss is, it comes at its own time and stays for however long it decides. It’s a feeling we can’t control. No matter how much you try and bury it, it finds ways to emerge. So welcome your sadness, your anger, and your hurt. Tend to those feelings with the great love you possess. Treat yourself the way you would a friend. Be kind, understanding, and patient with your feelings and yourself.


And when you can, check in and be real with your feelings and share them with your friends. One of you needs to step up and say something. You don’t have to pretend it’s all ok, and you don’t have to go it alone.


Us adults, we may not walk in your shoes, but we’ll do our best to be there for you. We all know about grief and loss and the pain it comes with. We will hold your hand and heart, offer you love and support, sit quietly with you because no words can undue what’s been done, and get through this time.

Happy New Year!

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To all those seeking to climb, move, or shake mountains.

To all those who have overcome mountains and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

To all those who are looking forward and not going to let any mountain stand in their way.

To all those who need to just kick back and think about what the mountain in their life means or appreciate the mountain they are on.

Wishing you all a New Year full of just what you need. Many blessings. ❤️

Tough Times At The Holidays

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People often feel puzzled as to why “the happiest time of year” leaves one feeling sad, depressed, overwhelmed, angry, and lonely, especially if you are someone who has a “good life.” It doesn’t seem to make sense.

I want to pose the idea that for some people trauma gets kicked up over the holiday season. Holidays are full of memories, smells, sights, tastes, and sounds. If you had a childhood that was problematic, especially around the holidays, it is quite possible you are feeling either consciously or unconsciously activated by the holidays.


In the writings of trauma specialist Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D., he reflects on how the body holds sensory memory even though our thinking memories of the past may be suppressed. For some, the smell of a pie baking in the oven evokes a warm feeling of yumminess. For others, the smell can be repulsive. Why is this? The body holds memory in all forms and even though we may not know the conscious memory of why we feel a particular way, it is stored inside of us. If there was an incident where an angry parent smashed a pie against the wall and flew into a rage, this may haven gotten wired into the brain and body. Pie might not invite warm feelings any longer. Especially if something like this happened repeatedly.

Grief and loss is another feeling stored in the body and is often triggered around holiday time, no matter how long ago the loss was.

We are products of our past. Be kind to yourself this holiday time and reach out to those who love you if you are having a tough time. Share your stories with someone you trust and take really good care of yourself. Remember, this is a season, and seasons always change.

Holidays Are Hard

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Don’t mean to be a downer here, just a realist trying to provide support for those of you who don’t have a picturesque family.

Even if you do have a picturesque family, it doesn’t mean perfection lies there either.

If you have a less than ideal Thanksgiving, you aren’t alone. Kick the fantasy about what you think everyone else has and know in every social media post there will be a story you haven’t heard. You won’t see the tension, the looks, the alcohol consumption, the tears, the absent folks, the loss, or the feelings stuffed inside. Sure, some people might have it all this holiday, and I hope you do too. But if you don’t, I get you. Be kind to yourself.

Smartphones, Loneliness, and Depression

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Girl with white fingernail polish and silver watch holding a gold covered cell phone

“Which comes first: Smartphone dependency or loneliness and depression?” Take a guess and then read this article from the latest research coming out of the University of Arizona in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

Review of study

Which comes first: Smartphone dependency or depression?

Actual study

Short-Term Longitudinal Relationships Between Smartphone Use/Dependency and Psychological Well-Being Among Late Adolescents