Tag Archives: parenting

Motivation For Girls During The School Year

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Teen girls studying by water

What used to fuel your girl to keep going during the school year might not be existing any longer. Maybe it was seeing her friends, having others view her as smart, sporting an outfit she loves, having a positive relationship with her teacher, enjoying a class, or her extracurricular activities that were keeping her moving and motivated to do well.


We are all motivated by intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is what comes naturally from inside of us. The drive to do well and succeed. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of us. It comes in the form of praise, being recognized by others, and earning something like the first chair in band class or being a starting player on her soccer team. Oftentimes they coexist.


The problem girls face today is they aren’t getting much of the extrinsic motivation the school environment used to provide. Keeping your camera off on zoom, only seeing one another from the torso up, and no longer having any organic conversation inside or outside of the classroom is taking a toll on kids staying motivated. Girls aren’t having the extracurriculars that for some girls made school worth it.

So what can we do about this dilemma?


We can teach our girls about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and help our girls create their own forms of motivation. I would encourage you to ask her questions about what she feels she is missing and invite her to share her experience. Meet her with empathy. With that said, see if there are any organic openings to create motivation. You might have to teach her about this idea. The catch is, it’s going to look different than before. Making a mug of hot chocolate after her grueling Trigonometry class. Watching a movie with friends, even virtually, after getting her paper done. Heading to Michael’s to get some art supplies to celebrate getting a B or higher on her psychology assignment.

Now I know many parents feel disturbed at the idea of buying their kids rewards. For the record, do not promise big screen tvs, the latest iphone, or exotic trips. Teach them about earning within reason. When we first get a job, we don’t get thousands of dollars. Here in CA, you will earn just over $15 for one hour of work. Use monetary rewards reasonably. Yes I will buy you a $15 app if you have no missing assignments at the end of the week. No, I will not buy you a game system for getting an A on your test.


Above all, we want our girls to experience intrinsic motivation. We want them to have drive. But the reality is we are motivated extrinsically, and that’s ok. I hope you go to work because you love your job, but I bet you are motivated in part by your paycheck. These two motivations are not always mutually exclusive.


In closing, I wish you and your family the best in this new wave of the parenting journey!

Credits


Article inspired by Lisa Damour’s recent post on “How to Do School When Motivation Has Gone Missing” in the NY Times


Photo Credit by @bethlaird on Unsplash

Parent Self Care Is Essential

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Family time is fuel for kids. I know it might be a lot for parents at times, but know when you are interacting with kids you are giving them what they need. Your time, attention, and ear. They are energized by your laughter and interest in them.

If you are struggling, you’ve got to dig deep for them. You also need to carve out time for yourself. I know there are real barriers to making this happen. One idea is to get up early before anyone else. This might not seem fair, but making yourself a priority and giving yourself time can really help you set a positive tone for your day. A second idea is to coordinate time with your partner or another trusted family member/friend to provide care. But you’ve got to ask. Your loved ones aren’t mind readers.

We can hold all of the tragedy in a negative light, and we can shift our mind set to one of gratitude. This time with family is priceless. It’s an opportunity we never had before this very year. For me, I no longer feel like a hamster on a wheel, and for that, I am grateful.

How do you care for yourself when on family overload?

COVID And Making Weekends Great Again

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Mom and daughter during covid on the weekends


When I got home from work yesterday, we did our new routine. Wondering what that is? Don’t hold your breath for something magical. We ate dinner together and watched tv. It may not sound out of the ordinary for you, however pre COVID-19, a few nights a week, we didn’t eat dinner together for various reasons. We also didn’t watch tv during the week. So this new routine is in fact new. Covid and weekends are bringing us all something new.


Because I am still at my office and the chores continue, things do feel different to me, but in many ways still the same.

From A Child’s Point Of View


When I look through the lens of children though, things are drastically different. Online school, no in person contact, not many places to go, sleeping in a little longer, staying up a little later, baked goods coming out our ears…..


My kid the other day said to us, “I’m not looking forward to the weekend. It’s just more of the same. I can’t tell it apart from any other day, so I am not looking forward to it the way I used to.” I was a bit surprised as I am loving this slowed down life in a lot of ways. But then again, many things are the same for me. I took her feelings in though and thought, “She’s totally right! She telling me she needs something different.” This change for kids is a hard one and isn’t going away in the near future.


So I’m on a mission to make weekends great again. I’m not talking about buying a big screen tv and purchasing a swimming pool. No spending huge amounts of money to satiate my kids.


I’m talking about what I can do within reason to make weekends during Covid feel like something special, and I would love to hear your ideas.

Here are a few ideas I have:


1. Rent a movie. Yes we are watching shows during the week, but renting a movie is different. Or doing a movie exchange with another family but leaving them on your porch and swapping.

2. Get take out. I haven’t been eating out much at this time. Truth be told, my husband is a chef so I eat killer food much of the time anyway. But going out is something special my girls love to do, so I am going to allow my girls to choose the menu this weekend in ordering some take out.

3. Dust off my bike. Since we have a dog, I always stick to walking/running. However, my kids are going to love it if I can ride with them. Yes this involves leaving the dog being at home, but Gracie girl will get her exercise another time.

4. Picnic. Being outside in nature is the best! It definitely fuels me. Plus, they will have my undivided attention. No chores staring me in the face when I am outside.

5. Outdoor art. I love to do art with my kids. Time to get outside with the supplies. I don’t have the time during the week for this, so this will be extra special for my kids.6. Build an outdoor fort. Living in the country, we’ve got some materials to play around with. Plus we’ve been watching old episodes of Alone, so let’s put those “survival skills” to the test!


Got some ideas to share on Covid and weekends? Please send me an email for more I can include with this post!

Want to learn more about how to handle COVID anxiety? Check out my video here.https://sierradator.com/2020/10/anxiety-during-covid/


Parenting Tip: Body Positivity

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https://time.com/collection/guide-to-weight-loss/

Parenting is about being mindful about what we say and do. Being mindful isn’t always easy though because we are human too. Even if we are mindful, sometimes things slip out leading body positivity heading out the door. Parents of girls really need to be cautious about how they talk about weight, bodies, and diet, whether about themselves or someone else.


Girls are listening to you even when you think they aren’t. Even girls as young as 5! You are their primary role model around many aspects of their life, especially around body image, self esteem, and health. They are getting fed a ton of messages each day that is unconsciously and consciously shaping their beliefs and attitudes. Let the messages you are giving them be ones of empowerment, self love, unconditional love for them, self acceptance, and the ability to make healthy changes. Model these messages everyday. And when you mess up, make some repair.

Want some local resources on how to help support your girl in being body positive? Remember, parenting is no easy task, and we can use professional help to get your girl all the support and info she needs to help her in feeling good about who she is, inside and out!