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Motivation For Girls During The School Year

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Teen girls studying by water

What used to fuel your girl to keep going during the school year might not be existing any longer. Maybe it was seeing her friends, having others view her as smart, sporting an outfit she loves, having a positive relationship with her teacher, enjoying a class, or her extracurricular activities that were keeping her moving and motivated to do well.


We are all motivated by intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is what comes naturally from inside of us. The drive to do well and succeed. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of us. It comes in the form of praise, being recognized by others, and earning something like the first chair in band class or being a starting player on her soccer team. Oftentimes they coexist.


The problem girls face today is they aren’t getting much of the extrinsic motivation the school environment used to provide. Keeping your camera off on zoom, only seeing one another from the torso up, and no longer having any organic conversation inside or outside of the classroom is taking a toll on kids staying motivated. Girls aren’t having the extracurriculars that for some girls made school worth it.

So what can we do about this dilemma?


We can teach our girls about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and help our girls create their own forms of motivation. I would encourage you to ask her questions about what she feels she is missing and invite her to share her experience. Meet her with empathy. With that said, see if there are any organic openings to create motivation. You might have to teach her about this idea. The catch is, it’s going to look different than before. Making a mug of hot chocolate after her grueling Trigonometry class. Watching a movie with friends, even virtually, after getting her paper done. Heading to Michael’s to get some art supplies to celebrate getting a B or higher on her psychology assignment.

Now I know many parents feel disturbed at the idea of buying their kids rewards. For the record, do not promise big screen tvs, the latest iphone, or exotic trips. Teach them about earning within reason. When we first get a job, we don’t get thousands of dollars. Here in CA, you will earn just over $15 for one hour of work. Use monetary rewards reasonably. Yes I will buy you a $15 app if you have no missing assignments at the end of the week. No, I will not buy you a game system for getting an A on your test.


Above all, we want our girls to experience intrinsic motivation. We want them to have drive. But the reality is we are motivated extrinsically, and that’s ok. I hope you go to work because you love your job, but I bet you are motivated in part by your paycheck. These two motivations are not always mutually exclusive.


In closing, I wish you and your family the best in this new wave of the parenting journey!

Credits


Article inspired by Lisa Damour’s recent post on “How to Do School When Motivation Has Gone Missing” in the NY Times


Photo Credit by @bethlaird on Unsplash

To All Class of 2020 Graduates and Parents

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girl at graduation with cap and gown facing peers

A note to all graduates (8th, high school, college, and beyond) and their parents:


I can’t imagine. Working so hard, spending so many years, and then bam, nothing. I got to have an 8th grade promotion, a high school graduation, a college graduation, and opted out of my graduate school ceremony. I had all those events that tag along with it. Senior skip day, prom, dressing in a cap and gown, spring sports and banquets, senior fun night. I also had a choice about whether I participated or stayed home. I am so deeply sorry for those of you who don’t.


I still remember both my high school and college ceremonies. The event itself, the family parties, and even better, the parties with friends after. These memories are stored for life, and I want to tell you again, I am so deeply sorry if you have to miss these major life milestones.


I write this apology to you as an adult who who can recognize on a profound level just what this loss might be like for you.


I know my apology, my sorry might not mean much because there is nothing myself or the other adults in your life can do to save you from the heart ache of missing out. What I want you to hear though is that we see you, we feel you, and we know a lot about grief and loss and what it feels like.


I hate to be the bearer of this news, but grief and loss will come throughout your life. It may stay longer than you’d like. It comes in the stages of denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, and acceptance. You might think grief and loss only shows up when someone dies, but I hope you learn early that this process will come in many forms. Not because I want you to experience it, but because it will in fact come. Loss of friendships, loss of intimate relationships, change of jobs, change of schools, death of animals and people, climate change, change in leadership, and loss of graduation to name a few. There is so much that can evoke the strong winds of grief and loss.


Yours is a generation focused on being happy, and I am so thankful for the joy it brings. But I caution you not to overlook or push away the feelings of grief and loss that may be knocking at your door. Because the catch with grief and loss is, it comes at its own time and stays for however long it decides. It’s a feeling we can’t control. No matter how much you try and bury it, it finds ways to emerge. So welcome your sadness, your anger, and your hurt. Tend to those feelings with the great love you possess. Treat yourself the way you would a friend. Be kind, understanding, and patient with your feelings and yourself.


And when you can, check in and be real with your feelings and share them with your friends. One of you needs to step up and say something. You don’t have to pretend it’s all ok, and you don’t have to go it alone.


Us adults, we may not walk in your shoes, but we’ll do our best to be there for you. We all know about grief and loss and the pain it comes with. We will hold your hand and heart, offer you love and support, sit quietly with you because no words can undue what’s been done, and get through this time.

COVID And Making Weekends Great Again

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Mom and daughter during covid on the weekends


When I got home from work yesterday, we did our new routine. Wondering what that is? Don’t hold your breath for something magical. We ate dinner together and watched tv. It may not sound out of the ordinary for you, however pre COVID-19, a few nights a week, we didn’t eat dinner together for various reasons. We also didn’t watch tv during the week. So this new routine is in fact new. Covid and weekends are bringing us all something new.


Because I am still at my office and the chores continue, things do feel different to me, but in many ways still the same.

From A Child’s Point Of View


When I look through the lens of children though, things are drastically different. Online school, no in person contact, not many places to go, sleeping in a little longer, staying up a little later, baked goods coming out our ears…..


My kid the other day said to us, “I’m not looking forward to the weekend. It’s just more of the same. I can’t tell it apart from any other day, so I am not looking forward to it the way I used to.” I was a bit surprised as I am loving this slowed down life in a lot of ways. But then again, many things are the same for me. I took her feelings in though and thought, “She’s totally right! She telling me she needs something different.” This change for kids is a hard one and isn’t going away in the near future.


So I’m on a mission to make weekends great again. I’m not talking about buying a big screen tv and purchasing a swimming pool. No spending huge amounts of money to satiate my kids.


I’m talking about what I can do within reason to make weekends during Covid feel like something special, and I would love to hear your ideas.

Here are a few ideas I have:


1. Rent a movie. Yes we are watching shows during the week, but renting a movie is different. Or doing a movie exchange with another family but leaving them on your porch and swapping.

2. Get take out. I haven’t been eating out much at this time. Truth be told, my husband is a chef so I eat killer food much of the time anyway. But going out is something special my girls love to do, so I am going to allow my girls to choose the menu this weekend in ordering some take out.

3. Dust off my bike. Since we have a dog, I always stick to walking/running. However, my kids are going to love it if I can ride with them. Yes this involves leaving the dog being at home, but Gracie girl will get her exercise another time.

4. Picnic. Being outside in nature is the best! It definitely fuels me. Plus, they will have my undivided attention. No chores staring me in the face when I am outside.

5. Outdoor art. I love to do art with my kids. Time to get outside with the supplies. I don’t have the time during the week for this, so this will be extra special for my kids.6. Build an outdoor fort. Living in the country, we’ve got some materials to play around with. Plus we’ve been watching old episodes of Alone, so let’s put those “survival skills” to the test!


Got some ideas to share on Covid and weekends? Please send me an email for more I can include with this post!

Want to learn more about how to handle COVID anxiety? Check out my video here.https://sierradator.com/2020/10/anxiety-during-covid/